Here I am.

If I stay with you
I would live a lie,
For you deserve a love
This heart cannot provide.
So I wish you well,
And be on my way.

I’m not the one who could
Give you what you need,
So I bid you farewell,
But don’t you dare watch me leave.

I didn’t mean to
Hurt you this way,
But I’m not what you need,
So I guess I’ll just be on my way.

One day you’ll wake up,
And thank me for what I did
When you’re living your happy life
Behind your white fence,
New wife, and kids.

Like a captured bird
Who yearns to sail the sky,
I will unlock your cage now,
So prepare to fly.
And I’ll kiss the air,
And hope it finds you well.
Goodbye.

I’m not the one who could
Give you what you need,
So I bid you farewell,
But don’t you dare watch me leave.

I didn’t mean to
Hurt you this way,
But I’m not what you need,
So I guess I’ll just be on my way.

One day you’ll wake up,
And thank me for what I did
When you’re living your happy life
Behind your white fence,
New wife, and kids.

I didn’t mean to
Hurt you this way,
But I’m not what you need,
So I guess I’ll just be on my way.

One day you’ll wake up,
And thank me for what I did
When you’re living your happy life
Behind your white fence,
New wife, and kids.

So I’ll kiss the air,
And hope it finds you well.
Goodbye.

I wore the rings you gave me almost all day. Going to sleep with them on tonight. I can only hope you hear my prayers tonight and that all of this wishing I’ve been doing lately isn’t a huge waste of time..

” I know there is better than you out there.”

Good luck.

Okay…don’t be mad.
I love you!

I am kind of at a loss for words today. I don’t even know where to start anymore. I really truly loved you. I gave it chance after chance after chance for things to work out. All I keep thinking about is how happy I was over the summer with you, and now I don’t know what happened to everything. I just dont know what else to do anymore. I’m broken. Everyone wants someone who makes them feel special, who makes them feel beautiful, who makes them feel needed, who makes them feel loved. And for so long you did all of those things for me, thats what made you my person. I know I am not perfect, I know I am not the most beautiful person, I know Im over weight, I know I dont do everything right, but you made me feel like I was perfect for you for so long that I got use to it. I got comfortable with you. I was never afraid to be myself. I was never self conscience about myself with you. Until now. I have felt for a long time that your feelings were changing, and your opinion of me was changing. Maybe its because I quit trying with my looks around you. I quit trying to make myself look better because I thought you loved me for me, no matter how I looked. Whether I dressed up, had jeans and a hoodie on, shorts and a tshirt, or sweatpants. Whether my hair was done or not, I thought that it didnt matter to you. I thought you were past that and that you meant what you said when you said it didnt matter. But instead, sometimes you tend to throw things like that in my face. And honestly, what you said really hurt my feelings. It wasnt what you said, because as I told you, I already felt like you felt that way, but it was how you said it that hurt. I have never loved anyone more than I have loved you. However, I have never told you that you werent pretty, or that you were disgusting. I’ve never wanted to break someone down like that. Especially you, because you and your opinion meant everything to me.

Im seriously heartbroken. Please help me, because as pathetic as it is, I feel like I cant breathe without you. I just want this summer back. I want the feeling I had in my tummy on 6-9-11. I want the sparkle back in my eye. I want the laughter in your voice back. I want the smile that was always on your face back. I want spending 24/7 together and not needing anyone else back. I want my girlfriend back. I want the feeling of being loved back. I want feeling special back. i want feeling beautiful back. I want you back. Please come back.

Come back. Please.

Sometimes things just get to hard, to stressful, too hurtful. I just don’t know what to do anymore. All i know is that i can’t feel like this anymore. It is slowly killing me. Its changing who I am in a negative way, and thats not what I wanted out of this whole thing. I loved her, I really truly did. But when it comes to survival, and me staying alive, I’ve got to choose myself. I won’t let it kill me. So off into the darkness of being alone I go. It’s not going to be easy. It won’t be pretty. But I will make it out of the dark place that I’m in alive. One step at a time.